Criticise, Condemn, Complain – An act that we often do as a result of disapproval of others. We voice out our dissatisfaction to the people, often with negative feelings and tone.
Why do we do this?
– To correct others of their wrongdoings.
– To express negative feelings like anger and condemn inside us (to blow off steam).
Why we should not do this?
Because it hurts people’s pride and sense of importance, put them into defensive position, try to rationalize and justify their wrongdoings, and arouse resentment against us.
As a result, the wrongdoing is not corrected, worse off, it demoralizes them and people that we wish to correct hates us. It often does not serve its purposes other than allowing us to feel better after blowing our steam off on the people, which is an emotional act that often brings regret, that is stupid.
– Criminals can always come up with the reasons they have to commit crimes, and view themselves as beneficial to the public and as victim to injustice, no matter how terrible and cruel their doings were.
– Corrupted politician’s wife defended his husband as the most sacred, betrayed and victimized person with lunatic screams and cries, when she heard a person saying that President’s death was due to the betrayal of a close friend.
– Father’s harsh criticisms in his brothers did not bring them to realization of their wrongdoings, but rather defending themselves with the most illogical and ridiculous justifications ever, and plenty of hatred towards him.
– Daily quarrels among family members or work related matters. Even i myself, am hurt by criticisms and try to defend myself by blaming on others. (Responsibility, Attentive to Details, Carry out Duties Faithfully)
– Significant other is hurt and tries to defend herself and blame on me when I brought up past matters, even if those are all proven facts. People just won’t criticize themselves for whatever wrongdoings they’ve done.
What are some successful people who does not criticize, condemn, or complain?
– Abraham Lincoln. Wrote letters and dropped them in places where people can easily see to criticize and laugh at people who he disliked at younger age, even after he became a lawyer. One incident nearly resulted in a duel that is between life and death. He never criticize anyone after that. Wrote a letter to a general who failed to secure a close victory, but never sent it out.
– Benjamin Franklin was wildly successful across various fields including business, politics, and diplomacy because he was only willing to speak all the good in other people, but not ill of them. He is among one of the most respected and well liked great people of all time, aside from his contributions to the nation.
– Among the world renowned entrepreneurs, Andrew Carnegie, Charles Schwab, and John D. Rockafeller were well known for openly and privately praising their subordinates to motivate them to do better jobs and like their jobs more. They tried to find the silver lining and praise their ways to success, because other financial reasons aside, that’s the only way people are willing to help you to your success. Modern day entrepreneurs like Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger follow their footsteps and achieved huge success in business and in life.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be forgiving and understanding. So the next time we feel the urge to criticize, condemn or complain, bear in mind that blowing our steam off in this way comes with a great price. People are not pure creature of logic, but largely was controlled by their emotional mind most of the time, which is why we criticize, and why the people we criticized retaliate.
Stop, and think in their shoes like Abraham Lincoln. ” Don’t criticize them; They are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
Act like Benjamin Franklin ” I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
When someone criticizes us?
Isolate the message from the emotional response. If it is a fact, accept the constructive criticism and work to change it. If it is a false accusation, ignore it.
What if I can’t control my emotion?
Then, guide my emotions to greater use and fuel my efforts to change. Or, rationalize, justify, retaliate, and stay a fool my whole life.